Self-worth and Self-appreciation

I went to see the social worker last week, and we made a little bit of progress. We talked about meditation and how it affects emotions: basically makes them easier to process through breathing techniques. So I’ve been trying to do meditation once a day at least, usually before bed.

Who else feels this way in the AM?
Who else feels this way in the AM?

Anyways, we were discussing self-worth (a topic I’ve posted about several time before: here and here and gotten wrong whoops), and we were talking about the idea of self-parenting. In the sense of on bad days saying “There there, I know it’s really hard right now, but you’ll be okay.” In one of the meditations I listen to, this line (or really similar) is used a few times, and it always made me feel silly and weird. After discussing with the social worker, he mentioned that I probably feel this way as I never had much of it growing up, and it may sounds silly but I have to do it anyway.

And you know what? It works. If I’m having a bad day, feeling down, or just blah, I say this to myself and I feel better. Not like 100% better instantly, but I feel less upset, less angry, less depressed. I don’t feel silly for saying to myself. I feel comforted. I often feel I have to rely on myself for everything, and this is an instance where it works for me, and is something I need to do.

It’s part of my homework. Along with self-appreciation: “You’ve got good taste in music,” “You did most of the things on your list today, awesome!” things like that. And slowly, slowly it’s helping a lot. I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. As my social worker said (basically), “You’re not starting at the starting line along with everyone else. You’re at the end of the beginning line which means you’re working to catch up. It’s not bad, it’s just where you are so you know where you want to go.”

It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worth it.

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2 thoughts on “Self-worth and Self-appreciation

  1. I prefer cool, quiet am time, which is why, as a teenager, I chose to have dark blue velveteen drapes (made by Sears.) The dark blue velveteen drapes cast a cool, dark, watery light over the room in the early morning. It was almost like being in a watery cave, just a little light coming from the water that went from the cave into the ocean, a bit of sunlight reflecting back up into the cave. I loved it. It made waking up and early morning SO much better. I just wanted ten minutes like that before I got out of bed. The only problem was my mother used to come in rather earlier than I wanted to get up on many days (maybe 8 am?), and she’d say “Rise and shine” and quickly pull the drapes open. My mom is definitely a morning person.

    Sunlight would burst like sharp shards into the room. Aaargh! Pain! Watery eyes. Where’s the pillow to put over my head????? (Huh. Perhaps those feelings were part of the reason that I connected with the idea of vampires. Perhaps that is true of many young people.) Mind you, I was supposed to get out of bed on weekdays for school, but it seemed awful if my mother roused me on weekends. Even now, I prefer to get up “slowly,” spending ten minutes in bed before getting out of bed. I prefer having a job that begins after noon. That can’t always happen, but teaching at a community college means I can usually teach after noon. Mornings are definitely better if my first half hour is not interaction with others. 🙂

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