So I was watching this YouTube video (here) last night, and that sparked some thoughts about standing up for myself. In the past I wrote about deserving and deservedness. I still maintain the idea that I’ve done nothing to merit a “reward.” The reward for living, put simply, is life.
This video mentions “getting what you think you deserve.” While that makes sense, in the mind, I thought I’d bring out the handy thesaurus and mention a few words/phrases that come up: merit, earn, justify, be worthy of, be entitled to, have a right to, etc. The only phrase that catches my attention is “be worthy of” and worthy means deserving attention/respect/etc. So we have a round about right?
Words are important in how we view the world. While I have no entitlement to anything, as all of life—and thus boyfriends, colleges, friends, etc—are all given. They are gifts, not something that can be bought or earned by virtue.
I think the video does point out issues in self-esteem and how we allow others to treat us is important—and one of the reasons I’m writing this blog. I’ve allowed others to walk all over me. I’ve offered myself as a mat; I won’t deny that. But the time has come for me to stand up for myself, to stand up for what I believe and be assertive. I can’t demand respect or demand that life gives me what I want. I can only ask for what I need and, perhaps, what I want.
I’ve had an issue most of my life of feeling the need to please others to get them to like me. I would often go out of my and put my needs and desires behind what others needed of me. I have to put myself first. I’ve been much better at this in the past few years as I have learned to love and respect myself more and more. Hold a moment and let’s return to me putting myself first. At a glance this seems very self-centered, self-serving, etc. I have discovered that if I do not put myself first that I will be taken advantage of, that I will be put down, that I will be used. I’ve found that I will be give until I am empty (and that doesn’t help anyone). I will still give, but it will come from a different place. I will not give to demands that I cannot satisfy, that will break me down and destroy me in the process. I cannot anymore. I cannot give more than I have. Our culture demands that we take from wherever we can, whenever we can to advance ourselves and our interests. I do not subscribed to this point of view at all. We must give and always give, but when there are those willing to destroy me for everything they can take—I have to be careful.
Pleas note this is not about a specific person or people, but something that has been weighing on my mind for several years.
Anyway, this video prompted me to think about how to respect and love myself more, to attract people people into my life. While I have a circle of people near to me that is much more respectful and loving to me than I’ve ever experienced in the past, I know that I need to expand this circle and fill it with more people who will treat me with respect. For me to do this, I need to respect myself and love myself more. This in turn will “teach” others how to respect and love me. In the past, I have been very hard on myself and how I feel I look. I’ve struggled with a negative image and I’ve struggled with being cruel to myself—saying I deserved the negative events in my life. This turned into a cycle, as stated in the video, that turned me against myself.
Over the last few years, I’ve loved myself more, been more respectful to my limits, been better to me. I need to continue to treat myself well (not indulgently) and love myself more, value myself as a human being and not something less-than. I will stand up for myself and I will stand up for me and I will communicate my needs and desires better to others. I know my life can only become brighter when I do this.
I hope you all have an excellent week. I hope this has helped out—this little gift of words to you.