First off, I’m sorry I didn’t post last Thursday. To say my mind was elsewhere would be an understatement! My brother graduated with his PhD from Caltech and with all the goings-on, I completely forgot to post.
Alright, on to the main show!
I have a friend that I talk to on occasion who lives far away. He has stated to me, “You deserve someone fantastic in your life.” Just last night he said “I think I deserve someone to make me feel special, not played with.” This prompted me to reply, ” I think I deserve nothing.”
Let’s dive into the meaning of the word, courtesy of dictionary.com. Deserve (verb): to merit, be qualified for, or have a claim to (reward,assistance, punishment, etc.) because of actions, qualities, or situation.
I believe that I truly deserve nothing. I my actions, person, and situation give me no claim for anything in life. I deserve nothing. In saying this, I remove my sense of entitlement—if you observe people enough, you will find someone with this. I have no right, no claim to happiness. I have to choose happiness, everyday, for myself. Living life is not so burdensome and horrible that I deserve life: it was a gift, as are all things.
This isn’t to say that I don’t work hard and just sit around waiting for gift. I go out and seek what I want, but just because I’m looking does not mean I will receive. Being who I am does not mean I deserve anything. I am nice to people not for rewards, but because I like being nice to people.
I feel that a lot of people in America feel they deserve something, be it a promotion, raise, job, family, car, respect, etc. Living life feeling that I deserve something made me bitter and anger because I did not receive what I thought I deserved. It has taken time, but now I feel I deserve nothing. To me, this opens up the possibility of everything: I can receive—as a gift—anything. This my mean that events I guessed could be connected, are not, and that is exciting.
I have changed my outlook on life over the last few years, and the power of how I’ve changed my world-view has made life pleasant and wonderful. I still have a long way to go, and I think this friend has shown me that I am going in the right direction.
I deserve nothing, and therefore everything is a possibility.
Post what you think about deservedness in the comments, I want to hear what your opinion.