The Unknown Dragon #teasertuesday

This part of Chapter 1, most likely, of The Unknown Dragon, my nanowrimo attempt from last year. This is the first words I wrote for the book, and since this scene is rather long, I thought I just give the first half. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it! Comments much appreciated. 🙂 #teasertuesday

“I am the dragon,” the small creature said, lifting its head from a book it had its nose buried in.

“You’re the dragon? You’re kinda small,” a girl said, looking at the small lizard-like creature with a poof of white fluff at the top of its head that seemed to move of its own accord.

“I am a perfectly normal sized dragon,” it said. “I’ll have you know.” Its eyes looked huge through the glasses balanced precariously on its nose.

“But I thought dragons were big!” she said, looking disappointed. The dragon noticed she looked fresh, like after a climb, in the orange light her torch cast.

“Dragons? No, we’re not particularly big. You must mean wyrms. Those pitiful things,” he said putting the book and glasses down. He wrinkled he nose at the smell of the torch burning.

“What?”

“A wyrm! Wyrms are big, but not particularly scary.”

“Are you sure you’re a dragon?”

The creature turned to her, rolling its eyes. “How many times do I have to tell you? Yes, I am a dragon. And I’ll have you know, I’m over seven-hundred years old. And descended from the great Ryhndhl. You may have heard of him?” He gazed over at his book.

The girl looked confused, then giggled. “No. Never heard of him.”

“I’m not surprised. Thinks wyrms are dragons. Humans are so silly. Well what did you come for anyway?” he said, his full attention now on her.

“I came seeking the dragon Thryndyn,” she said, somewhat formally.

“As I said before, that’s me.”

“Well, how in the world am I supposed to ride you? You’re awfully small to carry my weight.”

“Ride? Ride? Do I look like a pack mule to you? No one rides dragons.” He looked incredulous, as far as an over-grown lizard could look. “You must have hit your head somewhere along the way over here. Humans. Riding dragons! That’s the best joke I’ve heard all year!”

“But how am I supposed to—”

“Supposed to what? Parade around saving some pathetic town or other with hot flames?” he snorted, an odd sound.

“Well, I hadn’t really thought it through, but that was the plan I guess,” she said, scratching her head.

“Ho ho!” The creature floated up off the ground, and rest its head in its hand. “I suppose I could help you. You are rather dense compared to some humans I know, but you’ve been a great amusement to me so far. I haven’t had this much fun in years!”

“You’re, you’re floating!” she looked at him and could not help but point.

“Yes. I thought everyone knew that dragons could fly. Where do they find these girls?”

“But you have no wings.”

The creature rolled its soft yellow eyes, yet again. “Of course! I know that. I don’t need wings to fly. I have magic. Dragons are a magical.”

The girl sat down on the rough ground of the cave. “How am I supposed to save my friends and family?”

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “The Unknown Dragon #teasertuesday

  1. I like it so far.
    There are a couple small issues.

    “a girl said, looking at the small lizard-like creature with a poof of white fluff at the top of its head that seemed to move of its own accord.”

    You’re talking bout the dragon, but it sounds kinda like the girl is looking with a poof of white fluff. The perspective is kinda fuzzy. Maybe better to move the description to the first para, where the dragon looks up.

    Also, commit to the character, give her a name, especially if she’s gonna be the MC, here. The narrative is coming across as a little too stand-offish “a girl” “the small creature”, no, it’s THE girl, and THE creature, that this story is about, right? If you continue to keep them at arms length, the reader’s going to hold them there, too, and not invest emotionally in the story.

    Better to give them names right off the bat instead of trying to “work it in naturally” if you are committed to working them in, then pick one to give perspective, as in “Yggdrasil read a book when a small girl” or “Poopsie came across a small creature”.

    Man, I didn’t mean to go off on this, lol. It’s got a great base to it, and I could see myself reading more of it, but the characters are just suffering. I understand why you’re doing it that way, but think you’d be better served by committing to just telling us who they are. It’s hard to explain what I mean, lol.

    A couple punctuation issues and grammar errors like “He wrinkled he nose”, nothing major, just things that slip past spell check.

    A great read, would love to see more. 🙂

    • Thank you for the comment and read! I actually have the names in the few scenes before this. I see what you mean, and as we already know the characters, we can have their names used.

      I’ve been getting very lazy with #teasertuesdays too. This is a first, first, first draft. lol

  2. Ha! A good twist on what dragons are, or are not 🙂 I’m curious to see where this goes, how he will be able to help her if he’s so small.

    I can’t help but be reminded of the time I went to see some lighthouses in MA for the first time. The ones I saw were so much smaller than I expected! Poor things, if they had feelings, I’m sure I hurt them with my dismay.

    Good start. I hope to see the other half next week 😉

  3. I think you have a great idea for a story here. You paint a good picture. I can see that little dragon sitting there, indignantly looking through glasses perched on his nose. Keep it going.

  4. A really great start with the beginnings of a unique and fun take on dragons.

    I do agree with Tao though. I think character names would really make this scene much stronger.

    I can’t wait to see more!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s